When I look at this self portrait I drew my senior year of college I think of duality. I also think of the statement “you don’t know until you walk a mile in their shoes.” There is the Sara that showed and the Sara that didn’t. The Sara who wanted to be optimistic and always positive, the Sara with answers from all she had read and experienced, and then there was the Sara experiencing a hell from which she could not wait to escape. When reviewing each student’s piece, the teacher suggested I add more light to the background on the right side. I replied I felt dark and adding light was not an accurate portrayal of what I was experiencing.
This morning, at 4:30 a.m. (don’t worry I’m still healing), I placed the question mark beside my college self portrait because I don’t know how my future self portrait will look. I am in transition. I have long awaited answers to healing but each moment I must choose. Choose to go against the desires of my ego, my hijacked biochemistry; to go against social programming to indulge, to treat oneself, to do more, to be more all the while remaining completely distracted from the truth, the quiet. Every moment I must choose between increasing my vitality, mental clarity and spirituality or descending into an exhausted, crazy fog where, at its worst, I have prayed to be taken from this earth. I am on the razors edge. Will the shoes I wear tomorrow shine Divine or be covered in ego poop?
I pray for the strength and insight to act from my highest self in every moment. I pray for continued help.
Last Wednesday my shoes took me on a four hour hike to Lake Blanche and left blisters on my heels. My socks were too thin. Metaphor? LOL! 🙂